As women, and especially as mums, it’s easy to be filled with admiration and amazement at the achievements of Dr Jezamine Lim. She obtained a PhD in Stem Cell and Tissue Engineering, becoming the first woman in Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) to earn a doctorate in the field. The inspirational news left a lot of other mums wondering ‘How?’
How did she do that while mothering 3 kids and managing her husband’s career and household?’ Naturally, society started calling her a ‘Super Mum’.
I truly admire her achievements. As a mum to two girls, I dream that my girls will someday achieve greatness and make a difference. But it is that hope that is actually making me more aware of my own status as a ‘regular mum’. One who doesn’t make headlines and stays at home full-time to care for the kids. Ask any regular mums in your circle and you may find the typical reaction to Dr Jezamine’s news are the same as mine. There is always a deep admiration and awe at first. Then what follows is a sense of inferiority and underachievement – that we will never be a ‘Super Mum’ like her.
Having It All?
The truth is, for you to be able to ‘have it all’, you need an incredible support system. One that can help care for your children while you dedicate those hours to your career or your passion. It could be parents or family members, or a high quality daycare or trustworthy domestic helper. These people need to carry out the vision that you have for the kids’ well-being and development. Without this tight-knit support, something has definitely got to give.
And not all mums have the kind of support that they can really trust.
Not all mums can go and pursue their ambitions whilst ensuring the best for their little kids. For some, giving the best to the kids means giving up on their personal ambitions, in the hopes that their kids get to achieve their full potential.
Tough Calls About Childcare
Take my decision to stay at home, as an example. Faced with the option of sending our children to daycare or hiring a new maid after our previous maid left, we had a tough decision to make.
Daycares that were affordable to us didn’t meet our criteria, such as having closed-circuit television that streamed online for real-time viewing, bilingual carers, or a low ratio of babies to carers. On the other hand, daycares and playschools that were of a better quality had a long wait list and also didn’t come cheap!
As for hiring a new maid, not only did that cost a tonne of money upfront, there was no guarantee that you would get a good one. Leaving the kids with a new maid without any supervision also did not sit well with us.
Apart from the lack of affordable yet high quality childcare options, there was also a strong pull factor for me to become a stay at home mum and put my ambitions on hold. According to UNESCO, early childhood (From birth to year 8) is a time of remarkable growth, with brain development at its peak. Children in this stage are highly influenced by the environment and the people that surround them.
My husband and I considered our circumstances. The best bet we had to ensure the kids were well cared for in all aspects was for me to stop working and be a full-time mum. And the scary part is that it really is a bet – we will only know the outcome of our decision in many years to come.
Many kinds of sacrifices, many kinds of mums
We all make our own sacrifices in our own unique circumstances.
Some mums shy away from promotion at work. They want to avoid longer hours or frequent travels, so they can be more present in their kids’ lives.
Some mums need to strive and excel in their work. This is in order to afford good education for their kids and provide a better future for the family.
Some mums choose to stay at home. There is the lack of a trustworthy childcare option to help achieve all that they want for their kids.
These mums are all around us. They won’t be making headlines or put up on any pedestal, but it doesn’t make them any less super!
No fixed template
The point here is that there isn’t a fixed template of how a ‘Super Mum’ should be.
We should celebrate all mums who give their best in their very own way. They may be sacrificing their time and becoming the most efficient multi-tasker at work or study. They may be sacrificing their careers to give the best care to their kids.
Here’s to all mums I know, you are all super in your own ways!
By Farah Bashir
Farah Bashir used to drive the National Transformation Programme as a management consultant, but has since put away her power suits to be a stay-at-home-mum to two lovely girls. Some days, she wonders why she traded intelligent problem-solving debates for negotiations with a toddler about changing diapers.
The post My Story: I will never be a Super Mum like her appeared first on Makchic.
